about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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