what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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