I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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