dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got inside last night via doggy door
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