Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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