Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
