dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
