Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
