It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
