we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
