Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
