I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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