I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
