Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
