i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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