Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I supernannyed him into submission
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
