He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
