oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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