I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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