i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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