this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
