and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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