If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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