Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize