My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
