Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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