Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
