Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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