i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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