Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
