I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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