Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
