i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
