Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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