Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
People in love make me want to vomit
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
