The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i think im in europe. pls send help
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
