I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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