I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I could fuck to npr.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
