you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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