turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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