He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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