awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
