and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
