Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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