The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
