I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
