I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
