wrigley field is MILF paradise
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am naked and annoyed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
