Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
