Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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