I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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