:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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