I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
