The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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