and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
