Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
