I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
