bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize