my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
