I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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