Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
