I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
