i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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