Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
