I can text with my tongue
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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