I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
