we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
