Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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