Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
