i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have fence marks all over my body
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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