You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
