I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
