he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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