i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I AM VODKA MAN
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
