and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
