Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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