Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
