are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize